we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
