Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
