I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I will die if light touches me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
