so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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