jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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