apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
