3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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