Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
