he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
