my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
