Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
