Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
