his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
