I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
