I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
