I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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