I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
