Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
