great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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