ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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