She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
