Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
