I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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