how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
