For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
