the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
