Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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