do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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