He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
