Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
