You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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