Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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