i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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