Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
