Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
