After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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