Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
