think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
