Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
