Umm I'm too high to move.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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