got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
