Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
