I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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