She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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