WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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