Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize