my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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