I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
