Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
