Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
