not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
