It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you never un-have a 4some
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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